How Social Media Saved My Life

That’s a pretty strong title.  

It might be triggering to imagine that the platforms that spark controversy, comparison, and division in our day-to-day could actually save someone’s life.

Of course, there are drawbacks to social media.  But this message isn’t about that.

Because quite frankly, a large part of my choice to use social media did save my life - my authentic life.

You see, I used to keep myself small and hidden.  I was comfortable in the shadows, quietly performing my duties as a devoted wife and mother.  I rarely expressed my opinions, couldn’t stand photos of myself, the idea of selfies seemed grossly narcissistic, and I REALLY cared about what people thought of me.

Then one day, a friend dared me to a 5-week selfie challenge.  Once a week I had to put my face in front of the camera and share it with the world.  I was absolutely mortified at the thought.  Would I be perceived as egotistical?  Who would judge me?  What would people THINK?

But being the competitive person that I am, I accepted the challenge.  With my knees knocking and feet shaking in my boots, I anxiously clicked “share” on the first post of me and my son on Instagram (yes I had to involve another human as a buffer to my fear). I thought for sure the apocalypse had arrived and I was awaiting my ex-communication from society.  

But a strange thing happened….which was….nothing.

I got a handful of likes but no judgment or anyone asking me to sit in the corner of shame.

Then I posted another selfie (solo this time = more bravery), and again….no lightning bolts struck me dead.  Instead, a few people gave high fives and a thumbs up.

Over time my courage grew and I started to get a little more edgy with my posts.  I shared opinions on controversial topics, posted pictures of a risqué photo shoot of myself, opened up conversations about my divorce, and told stories about how I was processing rejection and grief.  Every time I would click “post” and promptly slam my computer shut.  I would wait for 2 days to revisit Facebook to see if I was shunned from the world wide web.

But again, nothing terrible happened.  In fact, it appeared that I was getting positive engagement from the posts that were more raw, real, and vulnerable.  Of course, some people opted out of my life the more I let myself be seen.  They were more comfortable with that old, smaller self.  But others came out of the woodwork and I made new friends all over the globe with people who connected to the real me.

The process of putting myself out there, exposing highs and lows, and revealing more of who I am and what I stand for did something very profound for me:  It brought me home to myself.

The vulnerability I actively chose opened up a new kind of courage I never knew I had.  A fiery strength rose out of the ashes amid the death of my old self.

In addition to this, I slowly began letting go of the external validation I used to rely on for a sense of self and started validating from the inside out.  I was no longer sharing posts for likes and compliments, but for the simple act of showing up and putting out to the world the stories and ideas that matter to me.  

The more I gained a sense of belonging to myself, the less I cared about fitting in and desiring the approval of others.  

I learned that I can’t have a real sense of love, intimacy, and joy if I don’t let myself be seen.  True belonging doesn’t ask you to change who you are.

So in the end, in an unexpected way, social media did save my life.  It gave me the chance to express myself and reveal who I am, piece by piece as I wove it all back into a whole, real, and richly authentic human self. 

It may not be necessary to tap into your true self by taking a selfie challenge or putting yourself on the stage of a digital platform.  The moral of the story here is that the more you let yourself be seen, the more you will see the YOU behind the mask.  The YOU that is asking to be revealed, asking for air to expand in the healing rays of that oh-so-exposing light.

And chances are high that others will see you too.  You *might* even walk away with a few thumbs up and a whole lotta inner peace, knowing you no longer need to hide in the shadows.