Redefining Success
What does success mean to you? And how exactly do you measure it?
Is it the number of likes and followers you have? The amount of money in your bank account? The label of CEO or Influencer or President?
We are constantly bombarded with the message of culture that states all the above mentioned as markers of a successful life. In a society that’s enamored with achievement, independence and productivity, it’s hard to imagine that it could be defined any other way.
About 15 years ago, I took a trip to Kenya that fundamentally changed my idea of success. I remember walking through undeveloped towns and dirt roads, visiting orphanages and families who couldn’t afford to send their kids to school. By US standards, we would take one look at this scene and call it unprogressive and unsuccessful.
But I noticed something that didn’t fit with this script. In spite of how little “progress” was made and how few material comforts were available, the people I met - considered the poorest of the poor, living in shacks, with no running water or electricity - were full of generosity. They carried some of the brightest smiles I’ve ever seen. They showered me with hospitality and handmade necklaces and plates of food cooked from scratch. They seemed genuinely happy.
This experience begged the question: what is success really? Is it based on external achievements or something else?
In my practice, I meet people every day who have achieved the US standards of success and yet they are unfulfilled, depressed and anxious. On the outside, it appears that these people are living a dream. But inside, they are imprisoned. These symptoms may be tied to the fact that success in the public domain often requires a high degree of conformity and sacrifice of personal values.
Spending time in the company of both wealthy and poor populations forced me to come to a new conclusion about success which is this: Success is not so much about something you achieve outside of yourself (though this can be a part of it the process), but instead is more a matter of how connected and satisfied you are with yourself, with your relationships and community, and with your contribution to the world.
I think this might be what I tasted in the gritty streets of Africa.
Perhaps success is having a fancy car or a high-level corporate title. But it may be worth considering that it’s more of an inside job, a state of being that can be found in the most unexpected places. Places like a dirt road or a generous bowl of rice, or that simple feeling of satisfaction that comes when you know you are leaning into the very best version of yourself.
