Who to Please?

Yesterday I stumbled upon this quote and it struck me: 

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” - Lao Tzu 

People-pleasing is something many folks - especially women - struggle with.  The eagerness to please and seek approval often stems from a lack of self-worth. There is a hope that saying yes to everything asked of them will cause one to feel accepted and liked. Some people-pleasers have a history of maltreatment, and somewhere along the way, they decided that their best hope for better treatment was to try to please the people who mistreated them. Over time, for them, people-pleasing becomes a new way of life. 

Living to make others happy often leaves you unhappy. 

Many who seek to please confuse pleasing people with kindness. When discussing their reluctance to turn down someone’s request for a favor, they say things like, “I don’t want to be selfish,” or “I just want to be a good person.” Consequently, they allow others to take advantage of them. 

You are not kind to yourself when you neglect your needs for the needs of others. 

As a recovering people-pleaser, I’ve discovered that one of the best ways to break this pattern is learning to value myself, prioritizing my needs, and drawing boundaries in my relationships.  It’s an active way of asserting oneself that effectively says “I deserve more. I am enough.”

You can be in a healthy relationship with others AND take care of yourself.

Start getting out of the people-pleasing habit by saying no to something small. Express your opinion about something simple. Practice self-care by tending to yourself before tending to others. Or take a stand for something you believe in. Each step you take will help you gain more confidence in your ability to be your true self, which in turn creates more freedom, confidence and satisfaction in life.

What do you do that helps you to put yourself first and stay true to your own values?