Duty Vs. Desire

In our language there is a word with enormous power to create shame and guilt.  Most of the time when we use this word with ourselves, we resist learning because the word should implies that there is no choice.  Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy – our strong need for choice.   

If we yield and submit to these demands, our actions arise from an energy that is devoid of life-giving joy. 

I witness countless instances daily where both men and women impose judgments on themselves.  “How could I do such a thing?”  “That’s selfish!” “I really should give up smoking.” “What’s wrong with me?”  They keep saying what they “must” do and resist doing it because human beings were not meant to be enslaved by demands. 

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet needs. 

Our challenge then is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both in the direction of where we would like to go and from a place of compassion for ourselves rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame.  We do this by pinpointing our underlying needs and finding ways to lovingly meet and express them. 

Taking action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than a place of fear, guilt, shame or obligation will continuously open up space for joy and passion to emerge. 

As radical as it may seem, it is possible to do things only from a stance of play and not duty.  If we can dig deep and review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from “should” to “want” we will discover more pleasure, less duty and deeper integrity as we align with our truest nature and authentic desires.